Illogically Logical
by jaywolfe
Summary: Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence, Spock.-Jim. Good luck, Jim!


Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Author's Note: My interest in Spock and Kirk is recent and very strong. I was reading through my stuff and I came across this quote and thought it would make a good story considering the Vulcans' preoccupation with anything logic. Hope you enjoy.

Prompt: "Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence."

AN2: I know my readers and fans are waiting for the next chapter of _ToD_ but believe me when I say I am ridiculously busy right now what with exams coming up. I wrote this while I'm supposed to write my essay so yeah. I hope you enjoy this though. It's my first time delving into this world. Any mistakes are mine.

"Would you care to repeat that sentence, Captain?" Spock calmly asked, belying the incredulous fury in his dark eyes.

Jim, in defiance, raised his chin and said, enunciating perfectly, "I said, logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence. Are you being willfully deaf or dense, Spock?"

The silence on the bridge was deafening. Chekov and Sulu exchanged glances, although Pavel's was slightly panic-stricken and Hikaru was amused beyond appropriate. Uhura was still and silent, staring at Kirk in shock.

Jim watched the conflicted emotions playing across Spock's face with glee at managing to upset his first officer with such a simple statement. What Spock said next, however, wiped away any feelings of joy Jim might have had.

"How dare you imply that I am as unintelligent as you, Captain?" Spock's voice was tight and cold with barely suppressed rage. The aloof Vulcan was barely restraining his anger. "You simple being of a human dare to insult me?" 

Jim stood from his chair in newfound anger. "Now wait a damn minute here, Spock!" he shouted. "I didn't insult you a damn bit! Don't you go doing it to me when I've done nothing wrong other than making an observation."

"You have offended me, Captain Kirk!" The enraged Vulcan snarled. "I do not know if your small brain can understand but you intentionally insulted me of being stupid!"

"I didn't say that!" Jim shouted. "You are blowing this way out of proportion. I only implied that maybe being illogical isn't such a bad thing. I know you're a smart man, Spock. I would have thought you knew what the comment meant." 

The two men glared at each other. No one was amused now. Chekov peeked from behind Sulu, where he hid when Spock delivered his harsh judgment of Jim; Sulu was tense; Uhura was taut with tension, dreading the moment the two men would come to fists.

Jim, unable to stand the silence any longer, inquired softly, "Spock?"

At the softly spoken call of his name, the Vulcan finally spoke. "You were implying that I am illogical simply based on the fact that your observation claims that logic is, as you say, 'a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence,' thereby granting me with a thinly veiled compliment on my intelligence. Am I correct, Captain?"

Jim frowned as he tried to wrap his head around the logic Spock have made out of an otherwise illogical statement. "Right."

Spock nodded but didn't say anything more. Jim fidgeted; someone coughed.

Finally, Spock said, "I must apologize for my earlier words of degradation, Captain. They were very inappropriate," he ignored the slight smirk and roll of eyes distributed by Kirk.

"However, for causing all this trouble to start, I must, logically of course, inform you of your new sleeping arrangements."

Jim's smirk slid off of his face as his eyes widened in horrified realization. Realizing where the commander was going, Pavel giggled hysterically into an amused Hikaru's shoulder as Uhura and the crew smirked.

"What? No, no, no, no, Spock, absolutely not!" Jim cried in a tone between petulant, horror, and whining. "Don't even go there. That's unfair and you know it."

"Surely not, Jim. I believe this is a most logical and fit punishment for 'riling me up,' as you most often apt to do," Spock scolded him as if he were a simple child. "You will be sleeping on the couch or in my unused quarters until I feel better about you."

With that last imparte of wisdom, the Vulcan walked toward his station, leaving behind him a dumbfounded captain.

Jim whimper. "No sex? So unfair. Stupid, illogical Vulcan, cutting me off; how dare he? I'm the captain; my wish is his freaking command!"

Spock whirled around, eyes narrowed. "What did you say?"

Jim smiled, wide eyed and innocent. "Nothing, dear, absolutely nothing."

After one more look at the still smiling captain, Spock turned away, as Kirk slunked down in his seat in embarrassment, trying to blend in with the furniture while his crew laughed. He was so whipped.


End file.
